How do you keep busy after a breakup?
75
How did you keep busy after your breakup? After you breakup you suddenly feel like you have so much more time on your hands. I met women who did such a variety of things to keep busy after their breakup. These women cried, talked to their friends, got depressed, missed their ex and tried to stay away from him. They also created diversions. Some looked back and laughed that they did such ridiculous things, some found new interests but all were relieved that they survived. It seems to be a human condition to create diversions for ourselves when dealing with grief- you are not alone! Check out these examples and then take a look at my blog post 50 things to try to keep busy after breaking up:
- Tracy threw herself into her job after leaving her boyfriend - her job filled her life and kept her sane after her breakup. 'My job became my new relationship, I volunteered for projects that would look good on my resume. God I worked hard! I'm not so crazy now, but it got me through those hard weeks.'
- Catherine left her job and relocated overseas after her boyfriend dumped her - the breakup pushed her to go on an adventure. 'I had to get away. Everything reminded me of Doug.'
- Sofia kept her job but started a new project after her breakup. She had always wanted to write a book about her work and so she spent much of her newly free time, after breaking up with her husband, writing her book. 'I needed to keep busy as thoughts were going around and around my head about what I could have done differently to keep my marriage. The book kept my mind off it as I got creative instead of focusing on what went wrong.'
- Pauline volunteered at Youthline after her breakup. She liked being somewhere new where no-one knew about the breakup or her boyfriend. Her self-esteem lifted because she was doing some good, and it kept her busy. 'After my breakup I fell into depression and had to move back to my hometown. I am around people who understand depression at Youthline - many of the volunteers are like me and have had it at some stage in their life, so it's good to be around people who understand.'
- Ruby spent the month hiding away after her breakup and then picked herself up, got her girlfriends together and partied. And partied some more, and some more after that. She numbed herself with drinking and the hangovers in the weekend stopped her thinking. After a few months of this, she slowed down again 'It was like I had to feel like I was alive again, so I danced and drank the weekends away.'
- Beth worked towards revenge. 'I know people say you shouldn't seek revenge but I did. He was cheating on me and didn't admit the whole story, so I got back together with him and lulled him into feeling secure. Finally he told me that he did sleep with that bitch - and I dumped him! It felt so good to know and to have my power back.'
- Fi had a major crush on an old friend. 'We bumped into each other three times in the week after my breakup and I hadn't seen him in years! I was sure it was a sign that we were meant to be together. I didn't act on it because I knew it was a rebound thing, but still obsessed over him in secret. I got over it when I started to get over my exboyfriend, I think I just needed a nice fantasy to think about on the hard days.'
- Sally bought a house. 'Two weeks after my breakup, I had kicked Ant out, got him off my lease and utilities, got him to pay me back the money he owed me and bought a rental property. I was manic about finishing things off. Not sure if buying a house is the best thing to do looking back, but it was something that I felt like I needed to do.'
After my last breakup I did many of the things above - I had a crush, worked hard, started a class, found revenge in being strong with my property settlement, partied and worked towards getting healthy again. He was not going to ruin my life by cheating on me (that was my mantra at the time).
How about you? How have you kept yourself busy after your breakup?
Sarah's related hubs:
- How to accept your loss: a process to help you
I have been writing about loss and the grief that follows, especially in relation to breakups. Loss can often be a hard thing to accept and I've already written about it in some of my other hubs. So you... - How to accept your breakup: splitting
I have been emailing back and forth with a friend of a friend about her breakup, Ill call her Alice, and we have been talking a lot about the process of acceptance in how you get over your ex. We've come... - Can quotes, movies and poems help you get over a break up?
Living with a loss is what matters, and artists and writers show us the many different ways in which this can be done. Psychoanalyst and author, Darian Leader explains how creatve works like poetry,... - How do you face loss? Grief and transitions
I am trying to write a post on acceptance but I realise that before we get to acceptance we need to understand grief and how it hits you. We think of grief as something that we only have when someone in...
CommentsLoading...
Belinda,
I agree completely about forgiveness, whether you be the leaver or the person left, and will look at that a bit later. I think that comes with time. People do many things just to get through those early days while they get used to being single again. There is a transition time where you don't feel single but you are definitely not part of a couple - it is interesting how people get through that stage. These are diversions, but I don't like to judge how people find what they need. It is enough that they survive.
It's been about 3mths since my ex left me after 3yrs. We had been fighting on and off. He kept breaking up with me whenever we fought and the last fight it was over the phone. He hung up and texted me that we were done and he told me not to call him. I decided to give him space. It was 3 wks later, I never heard back. I was shocked to say the least. I tried to see him and talk to him but he refused me the right. I couldnt beleive the way he was behaving. Like someone I dont know. He acted like I was unfaithful to him or did something unforgivable like that. It was over nothing really. To make matters worse he left me at the worst possible time. I lost my job and had other problems. All he did is send me hurtful emails of all my faults. I fell into depression. I prayed alot and decided I needed to forgive him in order to start healing. It helped a little as to this day I wonder about so many things and although I understand why he wanted to give up but I dont understand why he did it this way. But I forgive him and I feel like a good person to be able to do that. I wish he knew this.
Hi Nancy -
I've written you an email back in more detail.
I hope you are OK. I am angry for you - that is extremely bad behavior by your ex. Breaking up by text is a coward's way to end a relationship, and shows no compassion or respect for you at all. Publicly humiliating you also shows a lack of respect and decency.
Forgiving is all fine, but I think you need to really think about how this a**hole has affected you, and let yourself feel those feelings. You need to take time to process this, before you let it go.
Finally you need to go no contact and I talk more about it here on my blog: http://thebreakupbitch.com/no-contact/
You are doing really well - so many bad things happening and you are still standing! Be strong.
Sarah
Hi Sarah,
My girlfriend says that the relationship has nothing left in it. She is no more interested in me. When ever i would like to have a discussion it would lead to a bitter argument. I was faithful and honest. We are in a verge to break up. I am also tired in saving the relationship too. So whats things i need to avoid so that i can continue in a normal manner.
PS: I loved her very much and still I am shocked at her behavior.
hello gud day!
I am 18 and me and my bf break a few months ago but I cnt move on . I want toforget him but I really can. I tried to avoid him I dnt take his call and I dnt even give response to hi texts. He said he miss me but I dnt want to be fooled by him again.
I loved him so much but I dont want to be hurt again...what shud I do now?
Like what it was said in a song that really breaking up is hard to do. For some people, it's the worst feeling they could ever feel because the pain just keeps on going and it won't stop until you find someone better. And we always tend to find ways for us to get better in no time. Some people would do a lot of pampering, shopping, eating, going out and party all night. But there are also some who would just go to some healing specialists for their inner wounds to get healed.
each time i called my boyfriend for a settlement he does nt give a listening ear ad am fed up wit him
Great Hub! I just linked it to my hub on avoiding the mind-reading-trap in relationships. Thank you!
Belinda99 2 years ago
What might really help us grow past breakups...and help us truly "grow up"...is maybe forgive the person who dumps us for whatever reason...move on...stop lamenting on the "whys and the hows". Focus on the things or people you want to be with, and do the things you like to do.